This is how I would describe my frame of mind, especially this past week.
Let me recap.
February has been a hot mess. Rather. I have been a hot mess during the month of February. A couple weeks ago I was talking to my roommate and said, “I think I’m on the fringes of sanity.” (meaning. I’m about to go insane.) She responded, “I’m glad you are joining us again.” (meaning. You have been insane for a while. Welcome back to sanity.) From this I gathered that I have a pretty high tolerance when it comes to how much insanity I can deal with and still think I’m doing okay.
But this past week I maxed out. I had comps on Friday. Which is it’s own little demon that basically included 5 hours of word vomit as I relied on instant recall to answer 8 essay questions.
Wednesday I was stressed b/c of my placement and all the homework I had for next week and thinking about comps and I didn’t get home till after 8 pm, which made me NOT want to stay up and study but I felt like I had to. I knew I was at the cracking point when I became extremely annoyed with my roomies for attempting small talk- CAN’T THEY SEE I’M BUSY RIGHT NOW?!? (This is not a good place to be by friends.) But then I read these verses in Lamentations:
22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”
And I thought. I think everything will be okay.
And then Thursday happened. The day before comps. Diagnostic group all morning. and I got a call from my placement which basically ended up with me needing to shell out another $130 to get fingerprints done (again) or I couldn’t come back next week. So I was pretty stressed… The level of stressed that I don’t like to be. (The fringes of sanity were looking pretty good right about then.)
But I prayed about it. And did my best to take it moment by moment, responding to the information I had rather than my deepest fears. I mean, let’s face it- it really was just another ‘first world problem.’
So I got to the fingerprinting office and the man said, “oh. this is for student teaching? no problem.” and clicked a button on his computer. and all my problems went away.
And that’s when I decided that I really don’t know how people make it through grad school without Jesus. I mean. I know people do. I just don’t know how.
So Friday I took the comps. And got to hang out with my friends. And then I hung out with other friends on Saturday. And now I’m kind of regretting it because I do have a lot of homework for next week. But. I’m also super loving having time. Studying for comps took something like 10-15 hours of my week. Not having comps is indeed a magical thing.
Also. On a totally unrelated topic. Even in the middle of one of the most mentally taxing weeks of my life- while I was walking the streets of MY city- I decided that I liked it. Again. Yes. I decided again that I still like New York. What a surprise. I know.
Also. It’s March! And this is what my kids are learning in school this week. (yes. this is from the internet. no. I didn’t make it. yes. I used it as a model for something I did make that I don’t want to bother uploading right now.)
Which reminds me. On Wednesday we went on a field trip to an animal shelter and got to pet puppies for an hour. How fun is that?!?